"Green Zone": Can Kinnear play a bad guy?

"She's Out of My League": Is Jay Baruchel doomed to be the next Michael Cera?

"Remember Me": Can Robert Pattinson play a human?

OK, strap in. "Green Zone" has moved with headstrong abandon away from its source, Rajiv Chandrasekara's excellent study "Imperial Life in the Emerald City: Life in Iraq's Green Zone." Light years away.

As you can see, now it's a pretty predictable thriller, although it was tooled by Brian Helgeland, who wrote "Mystic River" and co-wrote "L.A. Confidential," and directed by Paul Greengrass, who broke through with "Bloody Sunday," did the Bourne films with Matt Damon, and handled the painful material of "United 93" with an expert touch.

Damon's got to bring down the bad guy, Greg Kinnear. Greg Kinnear? OK, he can play the best annoyed jerk of a superhero (Captain Amazing in the bizarre "Mystery Men"). He can do pathos. But evil? We'll see. His character is named Clark Poundstone, an ass-kickable name if there ever was one.

Handily, the entire problem with the war in Iraq lies with him. No one else is responsible, and if Damon can win this cat-and-mouse game in the streets of Baghdad, then he - oh, wait. Here's Brendan Gleeson. Why is there always a British guy around to serve as an irascible ally, mysterious guide, and such to the hero? Ray Winstone just did much the same thing in "Edge of Darkness." A trend to keep an eye on.

The trailer tells you everything. Chases, explosions, shaky-cam madness.

NEXT! "She's Out of My League." This is another one out of the Apatow mold.

 

Apatow regular Jay Baruchel is our nerdy hero, and Alice Eve is the incredibly hot girl who loves him. It's another sex comedy with a heart, folks. T.J. Miller steps in as a Seth Rogen replacement, so imitative that's it's scary.

Can love last? Oh, sure, come on, it will. It's a comedy.

NOW, let's turn to tragedy. "Remember Me" is more of an angst-ridden young-adult emotional wallow, with Robert Pattinson of "Twilight" fame in the sensitive, moody Brandoesque role.

 

His dad is rich and mean (Pierce Brosnan). Her dad is poor and mean, and carries a gun and handcuffs (Chris Cooper). Can these crazy kids overcome everything to be together?

Hell, no. It's drama.

One that takes the most shameless and gratuitous advantage of a major American tragedy to ring down the curtain.

SPOILER AHEAD!: I love spoilers. I read the last page of mystery novels, I look up the ends of movies on the ‘Net. I figure that, if the story's good enough, it'll hold up even if I know the ending. I have been right 110 percent of the time on this.

This makes many of my loved ones crazy, and the debate among us over it will continue forever. I do try to keep the info away from the general public, unless it is integral to your experience of despising a film, or in order to avoid it altogether. Which it is in this case.

Anyway, the surprise ending of "Remember Me" is sickeningly lazy, and pointlessly manipulative. It tells the audience that it hates them and thinks they're dumb. Don't go. 

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