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The stunning success of imposing right-wing orthodoxy on the GOP in New York’s overwhelmingly Republican 23^rd Congressional District should spread throughout the land. In that election, forcing the moderate Republican out of the race in favor of the only slightly crazy Conservative Party candidate resulted in a Democratic victory, a small price to pay for purity.

Heartened by the success of the offensive against RINOs – Republicans in Name Only – ultra-conservatives need to systematize their methods, and I would modestly suggest a proven model, the Spanish Inquisition.

Set up in the 1480s by the Spanish crown, the Inquisition used torture and execution to successfully enforce orthodoxy on the Catholic Church. Assuming you don’t count the Reformation.

The GOP – perhaps re-monikered as the HCP, the Holy Christian Party – should set up tribunals across the nation to ensure every Republican adheres to the principles of the church – sorry, I meant party.

Those principles, as I understand them, include the creation of a Christian monarchy (well, Protestant monarchy, as Catholics need not apply), the resubjugation of women, and the deportation of all dark-skinned people, except for really cute Italian girls, unless they’re lesbians.

One boon for the Republican Inquisition is the party’s support of enhanced interrogation techniques. That would allow them to torture the truth out of the RINOs.

Some prominent Republicans would face burning at the stake, sadly, but lessons must be taught. Arizona Sen. John McCain, speaking of torture, would burn quickly for his opposition to, well, torture. And Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina would be walked to the iron maiden for having voted conservative only 138 percent of the time.

Maine Sens. Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins – gone. Snowe once talked to a Democrat, and Collins must have done something too. In fact, all Maine Republicans should face at least the cat o’ nine tails because, frankly, they are not real Republicans up there all all.

They seem to believe in individual responsibility, fiscal conservativism, free enterprise and all that old blah blah blah the RINOs spout.

After cleansing the Senate, let’s go to work on the House, then state governments, then counties, cities and dogcatchers.

Finally, when the last 17 real Republicans in the United States control the GOP, or HCP, the party will finally be ready to sweep across the United States and guide us into the 15th Century.

I can hardly wait.

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