Columns

I have obtained a few unauthorized and totally unauthenticated excerpts from former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s upcoming autobiography, Going Rogue, which will be published later this month.

In response to the public’s insatiable thirst to know absolutely everything about the future president, here are some excerpts (wink):

(On whether John McCain’s staff properly vetted her before choosing her as his vice presidential nominee)

“Not properly Vetted? That’s ridiculous. I’ve done it in a ‘Vette, a Porsche, a Cadillac Escalade, once in the back of McCain’s limo and three times on Todd’s snowmobile, including once with Todd. Believe me, I’ve been Vetted …”

(On her daughter Bristol’s pregnancy)

“Initially she told us she was a virgin, and we were delighted. How could anyone vote against the grandmother of God? We even had t-shirts printed up saying, ‘What Would Jesus Palin Do?’ But it turned out she meant she was a born-again virgin ...”

(On almost-son-in-law Levi Johnston)

“That piece of white trash better watch what he’s peddling. His mother sure didn’t. Speaking of his mother, if he wants her to get out of an Alaskan prison alive, he better keep his mouth shut about he-knows-what ...”

(On her foreign policy experience)

“My foreign policy credentials are impeccable. I have had frequent conversations with President Schwarzenegger of Germany or wherever. Todd, acting as my intermediary, has mooned Russia from our front yard. I had French toast for breakfast just yesterday, and during the campaign I visited Albuquerque, North Mexico …”

(On her vision of America)

“I want to make all of America look like the pro-American parts of America I campaigned in. You know, with fewer of those non-American looking people around. You know which ones I mean. Yes those. And those other ones, too. They look kind of creepy too ...”

(On her plans for the 2012 presidential race)

“I want to be president, but I want to avoid the boring parts, like debates and voting and stuff. So I’m enrolling in the Electoral College, and plan to graduate into the presidency. Plus I get to run for homecoming queen – that’s where my real strength lies …”

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