Just when you thought the most exciting thing about jerked meat was the opportunity to make crude jokes, someone steps in with a superjerky that changes everything. The formula is simple. Add an "invigorating additive derived from guarana, a natural energy booster with approximately twice the caffeine content of a coffee bean," and call it Perky Jerky, "the world's first all-natural performance enhancing meat snack."

With an origination story that could have come straight out of a Marvel comic book, the creators of the jerky recall a near-tragic accident at a ski lodge where some jerky had been drenched in an energy drink. The skiers dared eat it anyway. And Behold!

"Much to [the skiers'] delight, the jerky had retained its original flavor, but had been made more tender by the accident," according to the Colorado-based company's website. Moreover, the skiers also obtained semi-super powers -- "an extra boost." Yes, "the jerky had taken on some of the pep of the energy drink."

The company promises near addiction: "once you've tried it, you'll be hooked."

We don't know about that. But we do know that if your hulk-like friends are eating a lot of guarana-laced jerky and suddenly keel over grabbing their chest, they might be trying a little too hard to enhance their performance. Guarana "should not be taken when formulated with ephedrine in diet aids or performance-enhancing supplement," according to health.com. "Potentially fatal irregular heartbeats have been reported to occur."

So with that in mind, and this -- guarana has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration for safety, effectiveness, or purity -- enjoy your jerked meat, kids!