Top Halloween monster movies: monster mash-ups for the recession

As you decide what scary movies to play this Halloween, remember this: we're in a recession. So why watch ONE monster in a movie when you can watch at least TWO? As usual, research reveals a double handful of films in this crossover microgenre.

And most of them blow.

But you know what? They weren't made for sophisticated cinephiles. They were made for those of us who had lots of action figures when we were kids (or still do), who liked to argue about which monster was the biggest badass (and still do).

Here's a quick rundown of "meets" and "versus" horror flicks, good and bad: all pure popcorn-munching pulp! And more blood for your buck.

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Quality: 22 percent positive on Rotten Tomatoes.

Coolness factor: Good idea, poor execution, fair CGI effects, and it doubled its budget in box-office earnings. So, cheesy or not, a hit.

Who do we root for? Van Helsing and Company, or course. (Lousy vampires.)

The Underworld trilogy: Underworld (2003, Dir: Len Wiseman), Underworld: Evolution (2006, Dir: Len Wiseman), Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009, Dir: Patrick Tatopoulous). It's vampires versus werewolves in a dark, latex-outfit-laden romp that evidently spans the centuries and can generate more prequels/sequels, if pushed. Kate Beckinsdale is pretty easy on the eyes, as well.

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Quality: 29, 14 and 32 percent positive ratings on Rotten Tomatoes, respectively.

Coolness factor: Are you having a really tough time in school? Do you feel different? Are you pale, wear dark clothes and dream of apocalyptic vengeance? This is the series for you. Heavy on plot and graphic violence, short on characterizations and sunlight.

Who do we root for? For whoever's on the outs in any particular film. Generally, the vampires are real jerks in these, and the werewolves are the oppressed.

Alien vs. Predator (2004, Dir: Paul W.S. Anderson), and Alien vs. Predator: Requiem (2007, Dir: Colin and Greg Strause). The ultimate hunters go up against the universe's most dangerous creatures. Uh, twice.

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Quality: 22 and 14 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, respectively.

Coolness factor: Fanboys must attend. Others are excused. It's gory, nonsensical and drive-in ready. A silly, scary double feature made in hell.

Who do we root for? You know, the Predators are one jacked-up hypermacho weapons-obsessed race. Gotta go with them.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003, Dir: Ronny Yu) In film number 11 of the Friday the 13^th franchise, and number eight of the Nightmare on Elm Street series, "dream master" killer Freddy Kreuger and mad slasher Jason Voorhees finally get it on.

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Quality: 41 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

Coolness factor: If you grew up on these films, then there's an odd sense of satisfaction watching the two baddies got at each other, not to mention the collateral damage among the human population.

Who do we root for? C'mon - who's got top billing? Robert Englund's distinctive and witty portrayal of the Springwood Slasher is much more captivating than the shuffling, silent, implacable Jason.

Destroy All Monsters! (1968, Dir: Ishiro Honda) Holy cow! All the monsters have escaped Monster Island and are attacking the great cities of the world! Could this be an alien plot? Get out your rubber suit and miniature Tokyo and play along!

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Coolness factor: or pure dubbed-in goodness, nobody beats Toho Studios, the Japanese horror/sci-fi cheesemasters. This film has Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan, Gorosaurus, Anguirus, Kumonga, Manda, Minilla, Baragon, Varan AND King Gidorah! ‘Nuff said.

Who do we root for? Let's face it, Godzilla is the biggest badass in movie-monster history. He started off as a bad guy, then became our champion and protector. Eventually, he went toe-to-toe with no fewer than two dozen infernal enemies, like some Jurassic wrestling star. Nobody beats Godzilla. Banzai!

Mad Monster Party (1967, Jules Bass) Rankin/Bass, who tormented us with all those stop-motion holiday specials, created this feature film as a salute to all the Universal horror-film favorites with a story about Dr. Frankenstein retiring and leaving everything to his nerdy nephew Felix. And it's a musical.

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Quality: Did you like "Rudolph the Rd-Nosed Reindeer"? "Frosty the Snowman"? Then you'll love this.

Coolness factor: Best for small children - not really scary at all.

Who do we root for? Yay, Felix!

Frankenstein vs. the Wolf Man (1943, Roy William Neill) This was the very first of the crossover horror films. Universal Studios was making money hand-over-fist with its monsters, so the logic of their move is unimpeachable. Poor Larry Talbot (Long Chaney, Jr.) comes back to life, and seeks Dr. Frankenstein to give him the sweet relief of death. Instead, he runs into the Monster (Bela Lugosi) and they fight - to the death? No, to sequels House of Frankenstein (1944, Dir: Erle C . Kenton) and House of Dracula (1945, Dir: Kenton).

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Quality: It's ridiculously, deliriously, shamelessly entertaining.

Coolness factor: Off the scale. You get the old Gypsy lady, Maria Ouspenskaya; the unskilled but compelling Chaney as the Wolf Man; and Lugosi's only outing as the Monster.

Who do we root for? The genius of Universal's monsters is that they are all sympathetic. Boris Karloff gave Frankenstein's Monster a tragic sensibility (probably derived from Lon Chaney, Sr.'s monster-heroes, the Phantom of the Opera and the Hunchback of Notre Dame) that bled over into the tales of the Wolf Man, Dracula, the Mummy and even the Creature from the Black Lagoon, its last great creation. Wolf Man gets the nod here - the Monster's fifth outing has him blind, shuffling, mute - more a gimmick than a character, finally.

Bambi Meets Godzilla (1969, Dir: Marv Newland) You just have to watch it. It's only two minutes long.

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Quality: Perfect.

Coolness factor: C'mon.

Who do we root for? To root for Bambi in this situation is touching, but qualifies you for a serious reality check . . if not therapy.