Conservatives: Let’s privatize, starting with the Supreme Court

The impending electoral victory of the Republicans and their Chinese financiers should set off a wave of privatization, and this column offers a few helpful suggestions.

The Supreme Court – what is up with that? They get a case in October and don’t decide it until June. Meanwhile, TV’s Judge Judy wraps up far more complex cases in 30 minutes every day, even with four or five commercial breaks. And if one justice isn’t enough, there are a host of Judge Judy imitators and even Nancy Grace is getting into the act.

And what a perfect commercial venue for all those annoying personal injury lawyers – a built-in advertising base.

Sell off that court now!

The Environmental Protection Agency should be next on the list. Oil companies must be chomping at the bit - ha ha - to buy out that agency. And as for the whiners who complain no one will protect us from oil spills – rest assured they will see no change at all from our current policy.

The Emergency Broadcasting System will obviously go to Rupert Murdoch and Fox News. Fox alerts us on a daily basis to Obama-spawned dangers far more serious than tornadoes and nuclear attacks.

But sadly, Fox can only break into its own programming under current law. Selling Murdoch the EBS would allow him to break into all programming any time he wanted. Making us all feel safer.

And finally, we have the mighty U.S. military. Now some sentimental Tea Party types might have qualms about selling off our soldiers, sailors and marines, but ideological purity – and profit - always trump patriotism.

Who would buy the military? Fans of Joseph Heller’s great World War II book “Catch 22” would undoubtedly nominate Milo Minderbinder. He took contracts from the United States to defend American air bases while taking contracts from the Nazis to attack them, thus making a healthy profit from both sides.

Image: The Supreme Court

Milo, alas, was a fictional character, but we have a perfect example of his mentality in the-company-formerly-known-as-Blackwater. They have already provided a sterling example of Milo’s approach in Iraq, where they obligingly killed civilians of both sides.

Imagine what they could do with the entire Army, Navy and Air Force, including our nuclear arsenal. A Libertarian’s dream.

And get ready, ‘cause here it comes.