Yo-ho! Part 2 of 3

Continuing our survey of sea-going skullduggery in cinema, we take a closer look at the humor inherent in the subgenre. Pirate movies can be very good, and pirate movies can be very bad -- sometimes both at once.

Michael Palin's guest-hosting gigs on "Saturday Night Live" in 1978/79 yielded the matchless "Miles Cowperthwaite," a faux-Dickens piece that, in its second chapter, "I Am Nailed to the Hull," took our hero to the pirate ship Raging Queen, where he was repeatedly "comforted" by Captain Ned. (Transcript here.)

Not counting some earnest misfires such as "Yellowbeard" and "Cabin Boy," here are some full-bore funfests that fly the skull and bones:

The Pirates of Penzance (1983) Dir: Wilfred Leach. With Kevin Kline, Linda Ronstadt, George Rose, Angela Lansbury, Rex Smith. Oh how jolly, Roger! The thing about Gilbert & Sullivan is, you love ‘em or you hate ‘em. This is a film version of the hit 1981 Broadway staging of the venerable old British comic opera. There are pirates, orphans, maidens, and such. Lots of good songs and silliness - Kevin Kline is a riot. (P.S. If you get a chance to catch the Yiddish version, "Di Yam Gazlonim" -- ich gans gut!)

The Crimson Pirate (1952) Dir: Robert Siodmak. With Burt Lancaster, Nick Cravat. Siodmak was a genius film noir director ("Criss Cross," "The Killers"), but when he got hold of the sober script for this swashbuckler, he rewrote it into a pretty good comedy. My mom loves this one - gee, is it because Burt runs around with his shirt off a lot? Look hard for a young Christopher Lee in a bit part.

The Ice Pirates (1984) Dir: Stewart Raffill. With Robert Urich, Mary Crosby, Anjelica Huston, John Carradine, Ron Perlman. It's an acquired taste - a glance at the cast list will show you how uneven it is. What's more, it's a sci-fi pirate film, directed by the guy who did the "Wilderness Family" movies and scripted by the guy who wrote "Krull." But Urich, until his untimely death from cancer at age 55, and despite his tours of duty on "Vega$," "Spenser: For Hire" and countless mediocre TV movies, was a very good comic actor. This is one of the few chances he got to prove it.

The Crimson Permanent Assurance: (1983) Dir: Terry Gilliam. This little epic that opens Monty Python's "Meaning of Life" is every downsized office worker's dream come true - when a little firm is taken over by the Very Big Corporation of America, its employees go brigand and sail the streets in their office building, attacking their new masters' skyscraper with file-cabinet cannons and ceiling-fan swords.

Next: The four best pirates in movie history!

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Image: Bob Hope in "The Princess and the Pirate" -- where's his other hand?

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